Finally updated this thing.
Wow so it’s almost been a full year since I last wrote on this thing. Maybe I’ll try to use this more often. I did finally remember the password, which is always helpful.
So….what’s happened within a year? A lot but that’s expected.
I am a day away from turning 21. It’s a nice feeling knowing that the wait is finally over (well within 24 hours, give or take) but I honestly have tackled this idea for quite some time since I’ve witnessed so many people turn 21 and I don’t really care about being able to purchase alcohol. I live for so much more than dowsing myself with large amounts of alcohol. I’m so sick of this dwelling on the substance. Sure I enjoy a beer or two now and then but I am so sick of people telling me “DUDE get f**ked up on your bday! It’s so epic. etc…” This whole culture of focusing on drinking really ticks me off. But as stated I’ll admit I do it too but not in such high doses (maybe 2 or 3 times a quarter). I’ve seen people turn from straight edge stiffs to heavy alcoholics over college and it’s a sad thing to witness. To have your life be so controlled by a bottle of liquid is a problem. So as I spend my last day of 20, I’m not really thinking about being set free into a world of booze, I’m thinking more about the last 20 years of my life and how they’ve made me the person who I am today. I don’t plan of going out at the stroke of midnight to fill myself with booze. Instead I’ll be going to a concert at the House of Blues with my brother and hopefully just enjoy the final days of summer with him, since college is quickly approaching and home will never be the same. (FYI: the concert is The Airborne Toxic Event if you’re wondering, check them out!)
Which leads to an interesting transition. As stated my brother is leaving for college soon. As a matter of fact, exactly on the 21st of August. Which brings the end to an era at this house (where I’m typing) and my life in general. It never really hit until I finally thought about it last week. With Dan heading off to college, it made me realize that our childhood is pretty much wrapped up. Dan will no longer be stranded at home when I leave for OU, nor will he be around all winter break when I return for a month and a half. This is also my last summer at home. Next year I plan on taking summer classes at OU to catch up on my major and hopefully graduate in less than 5 years. Dan and I are finally going separate ways and it’ll be weird. But I hope for nothing but the best as he heads of to Norte Dame (yeah pretty awesome) and hope we’ll still keep in touch and not drift. I’ve seen so many siblings lose touch and not really talk to each other, it’s a sad thing. Dan as always been a great brother, although I sometimes don’t like to admit it, and he’s always been someone I could count on for anything. Things will change but I know we’ll still give each other crap and keep in touch.
As stated earlier, I’ll be in college for part of a 5th year. This was always planned since I was originally a music education major but things changed and a series of events led me to middle childhood education. This greatly shook up my plan for college and I still feel greatly insecure with success in any field. I eagerly look forward to my senior…well 4th year of college as I hope to make it “one hell of a year” since this is the last year for many of my college friends. It’s weird to think the people you grew with from your awkward freshman year are making their final plans and looking at a future outside of college. It leaves me greatly saddened and frightened of what is going to come as I remain at OU for an extra year. Sure the younger friends and some people in my situation will still be there but it will never be the same. I pray this fear doesn’t overshadow my 4th year but I feel as the year progresses it will grow and the feeling will be hard to express. I have this horrible habit of not wanting to discuss things that bother me and it usually results in me being bitter and detatched. I just don’t know how to react to the thought of losing people so prominent in my life and staying behind. If anything this idea of the end being in sight has done nothing but motivate me to find a way to graduate as quickly as possible.
In addition to the loss of friends at the end of this academic year. I still am looking for some sense of security and confidence to prosper in school. Ever since I had a sudden end to music education my life has been uncertain and shaky (well certain things). I keep looking for a quarter where I truly feel comfortable and felt I’ve proven to myself and family that I’m not a screw up in school. Sure I hit a bump in the road but I want nothing more than to try to get on track and feel confident in myself. I’m just not a confident individual and have never believed in myself. Thanks goodness I have one person who have always been there. Who you may ask? Why the answer is: Molly. My amazing girlfriend now for almost a year and half has been the most helpful person ever in this situation. I love everything about her and am so grateful for her support after I switched majors. I really don’t know where I’d be without her. She is amazing.
Perhaps this whole blog thing isn’t too bad. I’ve never really written something this extensive and it was nice to just unload my mind upon a vast empty space of the internet.
Til next time. -MK
